In August 2024 , by the quiet of a lake, my world momentarily stuttered . It wasn’t a dramatic, lights-out event, but something more subtle and, perhaps, more profound: a mini-stroke. While the physical effects were relatively minor, the experience left me with a puzzle that has resonated deeply with my understanding of who and what we are .
The most baffling aspect of that day was the temporary loss of memory, covering about an hour of time . Yet, during that hour, something inside me was clearly still operating, still being . Despite having no conscious recollection or recognition of where I was, I somehow managed to rally my two young kids on a crowded beach, pull out my cellphone, and call my wife . My message, relayed from a state of disorientation, was clear: something was wrong, I didn’t know where I was, and she needed to come get us .
She found us, thankfully, and we set off in the car towards the hospital. For a good 45 minutes of that drive, I was apparently responding to and having a conversation with my worried wife and kids about what was going on. I was communicating, I was navigating a situation (albeit under direction), I was interacting – all without any conscious memory of the preceding hour or even a clear sense of where I was in that specific moment. Later, in the hospital, a scan revealed I had suffered a mini-stroke.
To this day, I have no recall of the moments of my disorientation, placing that critical call, or most of that car ride. And this begs the question that has lingered with me: ‘who’ was the person in that hour, of whom I have no conscious recollection?Â
This experience, this momentary ‘glitch’ in my mental landscape, speaks powerfully to an idea that is foundational in my work with LLT Coaching: ‘I Am a Construct‘ . This framework guides us to uncover the building blocks of our inner world – the beliefs, experiences, and influences that shape our understanding of ourselves and the stories we carry. My mini-stroke vividly illustrated the concept that who or what we perceive as our core identity is, at least in part, a mental construct.
When the usual “mental machinery” that holds all the data about who and what I think I am suffered a technical glitch and quit working as it normally does, I didn’t stop ‘being’. A functional self, capable of action and communication, was still present . This highlights the potential fluidity of that construct – that our identity, while seemingly stable, is built piece by piece through accumulated data and experiences, and can be affected when that underlying system is disrupted.
For readers of my blog, afishoutofwater.blog, these ideas might not feel entirely new. Themes of spiritual identity, living in the present, inner journeys, and distinguishing the self from emotions are precisely what I’ve been exploring for some time. The mini-stroke, while jarring, didn’t introduce these concepts to me; rather, it provided a stark, undeniable, and deeply personal experience that profoundly confirmed and consolidated this understanding.
This profound insight, born from a challenging personal experience, serves as a foundation and a necessary springboard for transformation. If the very construct of who we think we are can be illuminated or even temporarily disrupted, it opens up the possibility of consciously choosing the beliefs that support our growth and illuminate the path toward our authentic self. It underscores the LLT Coaching philosophy that change starts on the inside out to transform the outer world.
Returning to sharing after this hiatus is part of embracing that authenticity and sharing the lessons learned. The “Lake Moment” became an anchor for a period of reflection and a renewed focus on what truly matters. It deepened my perspective on consciousness, identity, resilience, and purpose. My goal in returning is not about chasing metrics or playing the algorithm game, but about connecting authentically and sharing in the hope of inspiring others navigating their own life journeys or facing setbacks.
Understanding that ‘I Am a Construct’ is the first step in examining those building blocks – challenging limiting beliefs, integrating past experiences, and consciously building a foundation that truly aligns with our purpose. My mini-stroke offered a stark, undeniable demonstration of this principle, and it’s a lesson I carry forward in my own life and in my coaching work.
More reflections from the lake and the journey back to come…
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